Day 1: Smile

Let’s start on a positive note:

Q. What made you smile today? 
A: Having a great brother-like friend who tries to make me laugh and genuinely cares. ­čÖé

I had a pretty good day today. I did not feel like staying home so I went out to my favorite cafe. I felt trapped inside my own room after a month of secludedness. I wanted to just stop thinking and let go for some time. I walked my way to the cafe rather slowly today, taking in the people and the places that I use to shut out with my headphones and fast paced walking. I saw smiles on their faces and I saw the anger in their faces. And I also think I saw lost faces. I thought I was alone in this. I thought it was just me, but after seeing some more, I finally thought I’d get past this. Cause I know I have my own battles, but so do others. And they are surviving. And so should I.

I ordered my Iced Americano and opened my novel (I’m re-reading Narnia). The smell of coffee was definitely┬ámaking me feel better. And the warm smiles of the baristas and ‘long time no see’s did too. It made me feel right at home. I was just about finishing a chapter when my brother arrived. (Let’s call him A. He is more like my best friend. We met about 8 years ago. He’s 2 years junior to me, so I consider him a brother. Though we are not blood-related, I love him more than my own sibling)

(Let’s call him AT. He is more like my best friend. We met about 8 years ago. He’s 2 years junior to me, so I consider him a brother. Though we are not blood-related, I love him more than my own sibling)

AT instantly knew something was wrong with me but did not pry more than once. This is what I like about him. He gives me space and knows I’ll tell him about it when I feel under control or can’t hold it anymore. He seems to understand in a way no one else did. He tried his best making me laugh and I tried. I really tried enjoying his company. I failed. I had so many negative thoughts in my mind that whatever he said made me think more about how miserable my life was, even though I tried to smile and give him a positive, jolly feedback. And he saw right through me. He tried to cheer me up. And I felt like I failed him. But the parting hug and the “take care” whisper made me feel better.

While returning home, the only thought in my mind was how to get rid of this negative energy inside me. I needed it out of my mind. I came home and googled my way to gratitude journal. And I think I am starting to feel better.

Thank you AT. I don’t know what I would do without you. This one is for you (though I will never tell you, or give you the link to this).

Thank you for not giving up on me.

 

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